Yesterday, 22nd April, 2009 I made a special personal *wordpad* file about STRUCTURE. Skin structure to be more specific.
I woke up with that word -structure - coming to mind and when that happens it usually means something to me.
Today, 23rd April, 2009 I woke up feeling *wrecked* - poison I knew subconsciously, something in me appears to be working, whatever it is, and my body is telling me that I need to DETOX.
I usually analyze what is happening to me PHYSICALLY, and this *habit* started years ago as soon as I became involved (and forever interested) in dealing with *energy*.
At the time it was something quite new, unknown where I was born, grew up, and spent the first 50 years of my life, therefore very SUSPECT. That place is Amsterdam, The Netherlands where many things take root about 10 - 50 years later than for instance in the U.S.A.
I do not want to go into that however, it is neither good nor bad, also I know that some good - and bad things started, grew and rooted in my own country first, such as *free sex*, such as cannabis as a *normal* part of life. I have never liked these *ahead of the rest* developments, as far as I am concerned: debauchery, decadency is not what I care to have in my life, nor did I ever want to associate with others like that. Yet I am NOT a *square*, sometimes something gives me a YUKKIE feeling, a feeling of uncleanliness and if I feel like that, then of course I want to get out of that feeling somehow.
I want to feel *good* and who does not want to feel good, I am saying although recently I listened to someone on television, in a show saying that someone who is a DEPRESSIVE wants to stay a depressive, feeling good would mean a disaster apparently.
The way this was phrased and explained to someone on screen did make sense to me, I actually knew this to be true, but I did not do something with the information at that moment, such as researching it, writing about it, after all I was busy RELAXING, watching something on TV.
Doing that relaxes me! Not always and I do not watch television 24/7 either, in my everyday (working) life relaxing in front of the television watching an episode of a series for instance really does relax me, particularly because I have included it into my daily programme.
I have had mornings waking up feeling depressed, feeling *old* and SLUGGISH lately but as soon as I start doing my regular daily chores and as long as I feel FIT (enough) to do them I actually am enjoying myself.
This morning as mentioned I *only* felt wrecked* and my *more intelligent inner me* said DETOXING. Oh, I said that is nice, who does not want to get rid of toxic waste, that is locked up or in, because it cannot come out.
I thought about this, outlined as above. I am *not stupid*, although I do have other issues on my mind and to deal with than getting to the bottom of whether or not I am able to detoxify.
An automatic *programme* has been found that I never had inside me, the streaming of information continued and I *listened*, acknowledged, accepted that this could well be true, and also with lukewarm joy began to look forward to it, meanwhile continuing to feel wrecked.
I decided to turn on the heater in one of my smaller rooms, that I recently rearranged, making it first of all enjoyable *to watch* as I walk past it to the kitchen, and very inviting to step into and spend some time in.
I am sitting here now, typing this blog, not at all *off-track*, I already decided that because it is quite chilly outside, and cloudy, and because I do not feel *King Kong*, I am going to make it a cosy time in this room, venturing out to do this or that, until I am totally bored with it.
A book, some music, online news, or what I did not watch yesterday from the laptop, I have enough stuff that needs attention to last me a year anyway and I have a book photocopied lying beside me with so much useful information I want to make note from. That book by the way is SPONTANEOUS HEALING by Dr. Andrew Weil.
Note: I am not a particular fan of Dr. Weil, but I do not dislike him either. I subscribed to his emails for a while as soon as I was connected with ADSL to Internet and eventually got bored and fed up with it, not liking, ever, the too commercial approach of Americans, even doctors, priests, and others who would not *be seen dead* advertising themselves in such an awful way.
Dr. Weil's book Spontaneous Healing however is a jewel. I must check his website again or *The Webb* and order the book. This photocopied example is ugly and unmanageable, but will do for the time being of course. It is still *nice* to possess/*own* a normal book, hard- and softcover, specially books one wants to keep *forever*.
Until the next blog, and I have not forgotten *panic* and *panic attacks* to write about again, at the moment however I feel better to write about UPLIFTING subjects.
Until then, Willy
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
all-about- age and *HEALTHY-WEALTHY-WISE*
They say, sometimes: the older the crazier he/she gets. This is true sometimes, particularly if an aging Casanova subconsciously is facing what HE desperately wished is not happening, yet knows very well is happening and that HE cannot escape it.
Notice that I am talking about *a HE* creature, someone of the male persuasion, of the male species.
Often, accustomed to a certain *civilized* way of life in our 20th and 21st Century, the way the *developed* countries are these days, such a male keeps it all EXTREMELY WELL HIDDEN (how he really feels).
I said something of this nature to a woman whose spouse I feel I know quite well, who gave at least me the impression that there was a lot going on IN HIS PSYCHE indicating to me that he is going through something as described in the 1st paragraph.
She appeared surprised. I changed the subject definitely not wishing to have anything to do with whatever is going on in their married life, so I asked her how she was doing. Also that I meant well and sincerely.
I listened for a while, asked her what medication she was taking these days and mentioned that she herself would be able to do a lot in order to FEEL A LOT BETTER!!
The fear I mentioned, the fear that it might happen, or start again. Yes she agreed, in such a way that I knew I had a *bull's eye*, meanwhile knowing very well how FEAR can make you lose *everything*.
Many years ago when I visited The Netherlands, where I was born and spent the first 50 years of my life, I made and appointment with *the mentor* of my coach Advanced Applied Kinesiology. When I was studying Advanced Applied Kinesiology, this coach spoke so highly of her mentor that I made a mental note that one day I would visit him and have him test me through.
The mental note I made in 1989, the visits (2) occurred in June/July 2001, 12 years later.
I am mentioning this only because whilst writing this, and about an aging Casanova, the A.A.K. expert briefed me on some useful things, showed me some recent books he liked, and one of them was: *EROS ON CRUTCHES*.
I smiled at the time, thinking about *EROS* - the dear boy, whom I knew very well you see, but not about the aging Casanova in this blog.
The A.K.K. expert looked at me questioningly - oh, I said, too long a story, and I am here only for a check-up. He nodded and we continued the introductory conversation that he had started and which was mainly focussed on my life.
I did not mind talking about it, but time being of the essence, it was getting *late*. Well - he began closing the talk: if you still want to be tested, we have to do it NOW. Great I said, after all dear (A.K.K. expert).... that in fact is precisely why I made this appointment with you, why I travelled *all the way* to your village - whilst in The Netherlands, so lets get on with it.
As he got up and I walked over to the therapy table, in the passing so-to-say, he said something that did and did not surprise me, however I just had not thought about it in such a way: Willy - your ex-husband is a PSYCHOPATH !!
That was his conclusion after having *extracted* information from me, just by asking me questions and with me replying honestly, and to the best of my ability. Good grief, I exclaimed, really? I would honestly never have come up with that *damning* label myself, but I ACCEPTED the therapist's words - fully.
I did not enter into a discussion about why, how, what, the extensive information I did supply made him come up with the description of PSYCHOPATH.
The A.A.K. test, which I had come for was briefer than I had wished for and just before I returned to Turkey I had another follow-up test (only). On the spot the therapist prepared a *vibrational* potion the first time and the second and last time he tested me he prepared a follow-up tincture, based on how he found me *energetically* then.
I paid for the sessions, thanked him, and I felt extremely BLESSED that I had had the opportunity to be tested by this A.K.K. expert. Later while still in The Netherlands I mentioned my visit to the married couple I talk about in this blog, saying that I thought very highly of the therapist, recommending him warmly.
____________________________________________________________________
In the hands of such a healer, under his guidance and supervision, I am convinced, everyone who really wants to feel better, improve his/her health is SUCCESFULL achieving POSITIVE RESULTS.
Unfortunately people like our aging Casanova and his spouse are not the kind of folks interested, yet they would benefit tremendously should they opt for such assistance towards FEELING BETTER.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FEAR is a suicidal partner, FEAR is a terrible UGLY husband or wife, FEAR does *not support* any I AM IN LOVE *software*, FEAR *disables* the mechanism(s) and abilities TO LOVE,
and medication prescribed by the *ALLOPATHIC healthcare industry*, for instance surpressing fear, keeping BI-POLAR illness under control, cause a person SWALLOWING those pills to
*develope* a personality, basically *alien* to their original *self*.
The result of my continuous awarenesses based on my observations and meanwhile 20 years experience as a HEALTH COACH* do not make me feel any better because *THEY*(others)are not doing anything to improve their own health and wellness.
That I feel *rotten* is really not that important, but that people I care about are not *prepared* to take matters in their own hands, and for instance start investigating everything about their own health or ill-health still SHOCKS me.
____________________________________________________________________
I did mention to the woman whose husband I labelled as the aging Casanova that I would be able to give her a few usefull tips and techniques WITHOUT her discarding her *trusted* medication prescribed by a psychiater.
If you are interested in working on yourself, improving your own feelings of well-being, let me know I said. I am not about to do anything if someone is not fully committed, and of course sees me as someone who might be able to *assist*.
She said that she would call me *next week* into which we are now. I did not say *do not*, I would be pleasantly surprised if indeed she would do that, but do not expect it.
It would actually be a very important decision which could influence her life in a very positive way, but again I do not expect her to do so, to have to COURAGE to make that choice.
For today - not having written for a while: that is it. A short *essay* about The Aging Casanova
and his Manic Depressed spouse.
P.S. Someone might say: and therefore I am saying it: no wonder!! When your husband is a Casanova, when your wife is under the influence of medication for Manic Depressiveness - a case of THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG - i.e. who evokes what in whom.
*HAPPILY MARRIED* for decades one *escapes* into being a Casanova, the other into a serious MENTAL disorder is what crossed my mind - and automatically I felt sorry for both of them. They, on the other hand, accustomed to carrying their own brimming briefcases of well-known stuff, do not want to either empty them, or buy themselves a nice new 100% clean one.
I learned the latter already 30 years ago. Not that I was so courageous to do what would really have been best for me then. Oh no - in fact I was STUPID enough to return to what I already had left: the aging Casanova - the impotent Psychopath continuously threatening me with ending his life (if I did not...do...or stop...whatever it was he considered not in his own interest).
Nobody knows better than I know now how it is to live with men, all of them Casanova's, and all of them Psychopaths too. I know that it sounds awful, but unfortunately I did research the subject intensively whilst at the same time gathering all practical experience possible.
Willy.
Notice that I am talking about *a HE* creature, someone of the male persuasion, of the male species.
Often, accustomed to a certain *civilized* way of life in our 20th and 21st Century, the way the *developed* countries are these days, such a male keeps it all EXTREMELY WELL HIDDEN (how he really feels).
I said something of this nature to a woman whose spouse I feel I know quite well, who gave at least me the impression that there was a lot going on IN HIS PSYCHE indicating to me that he is going through something as described in the 1st paragraph.
She appeared surprised. I changed the subject definitely not wishing to have anything to do with whatever is going on in their married life, so I asked her how she was doing. Also that I meant well and sincerely.
I listened for a while, asked her what medication she was taking these days and mentioned that she herself would be able to do a lot in order to FEEL A LOT BETTER!!
The fear I mentioned, the fear that it might happen, or start again. Yes she agreed, in such a way that I knew I had a *bull's eye*, meanwhile knowing very well how FEAR can make you lose *everything*.
Many years ago when I visited The Netherlands, where I was born and spent the first 50 years of my life, I made and appointment with *the mentor* of my coach Advanced Applied Kinesiology. When I was studying Advanced Applied Kinesiology, this coach spoke so highly of her mentor that I made a mental note that one day I would visit him and have him test me through.
The mental note I made in 1989, the visits (2) occurred in June/July 2001, 12 years later.
I am mentioning this only because whilst writing this, and about an aging Casanova, the A.A.K. expert briefed me on some useful things, showed me some recent books he liked, and one of them was: *EROS ON CRUTCHES*.
I smiled at the time, thinking about *EROS* - the dear boy, whom I knew very well you see, but not about the aging Casanova in this blog.
The A.K.K. expert looked at me questioningly - oh, I said, too long a story, and I am here only for a check-up. He nodded and we continued the introductory conversation that he had started and which was mainly focussed on my life.
I did not mind talking about it, but time being of the essence, it was getting *late*. Well - he began closing the talk: if you still want to be tested, we have to do it NOW. Great I said, after all dear (A.K.K. expert).... that in fact is precisely why I made this appointment with you, why I travelled *all the way* to your village - whilst in The Netherlands, so lets get on with it.
As he got up and I walked over to the therapy table, in the passing so-to-say, he said something that did and did not surprise me, however I just had not thought about it in such a way: Willy - your ex-husband is a PSYCHOPATH !!
That was his conclusion after having *extracted* information from me, just by asking me questions and with me replying honestly, and to the best of my ability. Good grief, I exclaimed, really? I would honestly never have come up with that *damning* label myself, but I ACCEPTED the therapist's words - fully.
I did not enter into a discussion about why, how, what, the extensive information I did supply made him come up with the description of PSYCHOPATH.
The A.A.K. test, which I had come for was briefer than I had wished for and just before I returned to Turkey I had another follow-up test (only). On the spot the therapist prepared a *vibrational* potion the first time and the second and last time he tested me he prepared a follow-up tincture, based on how he found me *energetically* then.
I paid for the sessions, thanked him, and I felt extremely BLESSED that I had had the opportunity to be tested by this A.K.K. expert. Later while still in The Netherlands I mentioned my visit to the married couple I talk about in this blog, saying that I thought very highly of the therapist, recommending him warmly.
____________________________________________________________________
In the hands of such a healer, under his guidance and supervision, I am convinced, everyone who really wants to feel better, improve his/her health is SUCCESFULL achieving POSITIVE RESULTS.
Unfortunately people like our aging Casanova and his spouse are not the kind of folks interested, yet they would benefit tremendously should they opt for such assistance towards FEELING BETTER.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FEAR is a suicidal partner, FEAR is a terrible UGLY husband or wife, FEAR does *not support* any I AM IN LOVE *software*, FEAR *disables* the mechanism(s) and abilities TO LOVE,
and medication prescribed by the *ALLOPATHIC healthcare industry*, for instance surpressing fear, keeping BI-POLAR illness under control, cause a person SWALLOWING those pills to
*develope* a personality, basically *alien* to their original *self*.
The result of my continuous awarenesses based on my observations and meanwhile 20 years experience as a HEALTH COACH* do not make me feel any better because *THEY*(others)are not doing anything to improve their own health and wellness.
That I feel *rotten* is really not that important, but that people I care about are not *prepared* to take matters in their own hands, and for instance start investigating everything about their own health or ill-health still SHOCKS me.
____________________________________________________________________
I did mention to the woman whose husband I labelled as the aging Casanova that I would be able to give her a few usefull tips and techniques WITHOUT her discarding her *trusted* medication prescribed by a psychiater.
If you are interested in working on yourself, improving your own feelings of well-being, let me know I said. I am not about to do anything if someone is not fully committed, and of course sees me as someone who might be able to *assist*.
She said that she would call me *next week* into which we are now. I did not say *do not*, I would be pleasantly surprised if indeed she would do that, but do not expect it.
It would actually be a very important decision which could influence her life in a very positive way, but again I do not expect her to do so, to have to COURAGE to make that choice.
For today - not having written for a while: that is it. A short *essay* about The Aging Casanova
and his Manic Depressed spouse.
P.S. Someone might say: and therefore I am saying it: no wonder!! When your husband is a Casanova, when your wife is under the influence of medication for Manic Depressiveness - a case of THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG - i.e. who evokes what in whom.
*HAPPILY MARRIED* for decades one *escapes* into being a Casanova, the other into a serious MENTAL disorder is what crossed my mind - and automatically I felt sorry for both of them. They, on the other hand, accustomed to carrying their own brimming briefcases of well-known stuff, do not want to either empty them, or buy themselves a nice new 100% clean one.
I learned the latter already 30 years ago. Not that I was so courageous to do what would really have been best for me then. Oh no - in fact I was STUPID enough to return to what I already had left: the aging Casanova - the impotent Psychopath continuously threatening me with ending his life (if I did not...do...or stop...whatever it was he considered not in his own interest).
Nobody knows better than I know now how it is to live with men, all of them Casanova's, and all of them Psychopaths too. I know that it sounds awful, but unfortunately I did research the subject intensively whilst at the same time gathering all practical experience possible.
Willy.
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